A Grammatical Terror: An Essay in Argument

I was going to review my own play.  Reliable friends have told me that this is a bad show.  Well, I said, that’s for me to judge surely, but no they have persuaded me that I could not.  Not solely because of my own bias but mainly because it has yet to be performed.  So I have conceded to their view that reviewing an event before the event is a slight impossibility.

Fine, I said, I’ll write a preview; however; no that answer is also too far from the question.  There is no use writing a preview when by the time it will be read it will have already be superseded by the event.  Okay, I said, no reviews before a viewing; no previews after one, but what is it that I should write then?  It would be a missed opportunity if I didn’t write anything but there seems to be nothing to write about, I said.

Then, they said, write about how you got the idea for the play.  But, I said, it’s all there already in the dialogue, I do not need to add anything more to what I wanted to say.  The play is about ideas but it needs no further discussion here.  They said, we’ve read you’d play though and we know that there is plenty of commentary you could write about as much of it we find dense and some points could be clarified in detail.  Surely, I said, you don’t need me to clarify for you when I know you are able to do it yourselves. 

You are making this article hard for yourself, they said, there’s so much to say and your complaining about not having enough.  I didn’t ask you to help me, I said, in fact you’re the ones encouraging me to write this article that I am finding so difficult to write but you’re not helping me with it at all.  It’s only taking you so long because you keep procrastinating, they said, if you would sit down and concentrate for half an hour about it then this could be all finished by now.  Concentration, I said, is not the problem; the problem is what to write.

To be honest, I said, I’m losing all heart for it now.  I had good ideas a week ago but now I’m tired and in need of re-freshing myself.  Maybe I’ll go off for a long walk and forget all about the play, the article, the words, I’ll lose myself in sea and sky watching the sunset go down.  No, they said, you’ve promised a written article and it is a matter of principle that you get on and write it.  Yes, I said, that is true that this article is expected but what can I do?  Well, they said, write about not writing about it. 

No, I said, that would be stupid.