Avec graitias to Stephen Pile.
In the woods. Birdsong quietness. KICHIROU, a government official is standing, thinking. HARUNA enters.
KICHIROU: have you relieved yourself sufficiently?
HARUNA: my urgency has been most stifled but, I fear, it has not brought relief. Indeed what could bring relief to such a mission as ours?
KICHIROU: I understand. Us, two government officials, here wading through grass & trees like jungle rangers- see how dirty my shoes are!- with the thoroughly strange purpose of retrieving- I don’t believe I saying this sanely- a soldier just to tell him that there’s no need of fighting a war that ended twenty-nine years ago!
HARUNA: Yes…he is our most loyal serviceman in our army. We did send him letters telling him he should come home soon after the war but his dedication to the war effort was such that he didn’t believe anything we said to him. He thought it was a trick to make him surrender. An admirable skepticism rarely found in a man.
KICHIROU: an awe-inspiring idiocy. He’s made a legend out of misplaced stubbornness, a hero to the mistaken & a soldier who’s quick-marched wrong footedly to the front ranks of fallacy with the Victoria Cross of stupidity pinned upon his chest and a righteously stupid grin pinned upon his face.
HARUNA: yes…Hiroo Onoda is quite the soldier.
KICHIROU: Hiroo Onoda. You have made me, a man with no walking boots, tired to the point of crying. When we meet you won’t be glad that the war has ended because when we meet you’ll have to face a real enemy: Government Offical Kichirou!
HARUNA: while you are giving him a punch I’ll be giving him a hand shake. Never I have I seen such diligence! If only more of our soldiers could be like him- what wonders we could achieve.
KICHIROU: what heights of lunacy we could reach. What I don’t understand about Onoda- yes, he didn’t believe the letters we sent; ok he was wrong to ignore them but at the time you can see the reason for his disbelief- but how can he continue to fight for so long when the last time he was in conflict would have been over quarter of a century ago?! Did he not suspect that the world seemed a bit too peaceful for wartime? Did he never have any doubts about his mission? Just how…how!...is what I’d like to know. He’ll tell me, then I’ll know, then I’ll punch him.
HARUNA: he must receive a medal of some kind.
KICHIROU: what?
HARUNA: lunacy it may have been, but a more impressive lunacy I have never seen.
KICHIROU: we don’t give out medals for blind faith.
HARUNA: can we give him one for total unyielding support? He is remarkable & he’ll be much disappointed knowing he’s done so much quite unnecessarily. I feel a medal is suitable for such commitment.
KICHIROU: oh really!
A pause.
KICHIROU: Haruna, I’ve had a terrible thought. What if, since the end of the war, travellers- unarmed & quite peaceful- had come here before being wrongfully recognised as the enemy.
HARUNA: why if Onoda had seen who he perceived as an enemy then I would think he would either capture them or…
KICHIROU: or…
A silence.
KICHIROU: can you see what a very different mission it would be if we found the dead bodies of tourists.
HARUNA: yes.
KICHIROU: my god…what would we do then?
HARUNA: we will have no choice but to have him arrested.
KICHIROU: before or after he gets his medal? Oh god what a situation that would be…arresting a soldier for doing his duty…
A slight pause.
HARUNA: Kichirou…I’ve thought of something worse.
KICHIROU: what?
HARUNA: well…what with Onada’s absolute commitment to an ended war twined with his dutiful suspicion of it’s end he may when we come across him…ahem…
KICHIROU: oh god! HE’S GOING TO SHOOT US
HARUNA: ah well…yes, that would be the worst case scenario…but look we’ll tell him our positions, tell him what an splendid job he has done and tell him to graceful, gently, step down.
KICHIROU: do you think a man whose whole life is based on this island is going to step down gently let alone gracefully. Oh god what a situation.
HARUNA: look we’ll show him our letter from the Prime Minister, a direct, personal command ringing with authority.
KICHIROU: Prime Minister? HE STILL THINKS HIS ORDERS COMES FROM THE EMPEROR!
HARUNA: ah, yes…times have changed, haven’t they?
KICHIROU: a little too much for comfort. Couldn’t we get a letter from his original General? In fact why are we here at all, why doesn’t his old leader come down here himself & tell him. He wouldn’t dismiss the truth of his General, surely?
HARUNA: yes…that would have been a more watertight plan, psychologically speaking, but the General doesn’t have much psychology to speak of I’m afraid.
KICHIROU: what do you mean?
HARUNA: we did try to get in contact with him but from what I’ve heard he’s either incapacitated, completely deluded or…er…dead.
KICHIROU: who now can convince Hiroo Onoda that his duty is done?
HARUNA: yes…it will not be without its challenges.
KICHIROU: such as staying alive.
HARUNA: yes….yes….
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